WHO am I???

Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it. 

-Bruce Lee

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Who am I? I was always asking this question to myself for quite some time... It is one of the reason why I chose "The Quirky Pinay" to be my blog name. 

According to Urbandictionary : 

Quirky : 

                Having a peculiar character. Standing out from the crowd for the sake of it

Uncoventional, suprising, odd I believe everyone has their own peculiar character.I am no exception. In a way I am different from the usual girls, I mean, woman of my age... I even consider myself eccentric at times (hehehe). I don't usually conform to the norms of our society and I celebrate my individuality with so much gusto :) One day you could see me in a posh hotel eating dinner or at the streets eating fishballs and the next day on top of the mountain, drinking with my friends. You could see me walking at the red carpet In flashy clothes and glamour but believe me, I love laidback life and I'm not afraid to get down and dirty :) and be unfashionable You could see me partying all night with my girl friends or my boy friends... nyek :) and then next you could see me bonding with the kids

or the kids at heart.

I can be seen tough and lady like or even like a kid @ play. I am a complexity of things... So now, I'm asking... Who am I? :p

Of Conquering my Fear

"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.'
You must do the thing you think you cannot do. "


~ Eleanor Roosevelt

I CONQUER MY FEAR!!!

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When I was young... I mean younger, I wasn't afraid of gettin' hurt, experiment on things and try new experiences... Well practically because I care less about myself being the "happy go lucky" type of person...I said it, that was before... As I grew older and responsibility has been put over my shoulder (naks!) I started to feel the fear... It was not my life anymore... There are people who depends on me... The fear started to build up and I started to stay away from my past life (chos!)

But I can't totally stay away from the challenge... The Emergency Awareness Training in our office requires every participant to do the rappelling and the zip line with the improvised harness. It scared the hell out of me... My size???doin' the rappeling? with all that ropes? NOOOOO!!!

It's a two-day training, at first I was firm saying I wouldn't do it. But everyone did it and so I was leave with no choice... I HAVE TO DO IT.

When I stepped on the ledge to get ready, everything in me is shaking... Did I need to say that I have this fear of heights? Even looking down from a two-storey house makes me dizzy what more with doing the rappeling from 12th floor to 10th floor of our building?! Arggghhh!!! Everyone is looking at me, my friends are there to support me, the trainors giving me last minute instructions but everything is blurred... All I hear is my heart beating so loud it hurts my ears (I dunno, but this is what I felt). When I loose my grip on the rope and I became unsteady, I thought it was the end of me... I was screaming... Yelling at them to hold the rope tight...I was about to cry. I was so glad, they were so patient with me... And then slowly I did it... I slowly moved down, even calling the photographer to took a picture and then I smiled... I DID IT!!!

I've done the first part... I thought it was that already... When they asked me to do the zip line after everyone has been finished, I tried to begged off... But I saw all their eyes at me... and after some demands on my part (like double rope) I give in... This is harder than the first one. In rapelling, I was facing up and walking at the wall, here in zipline I was looking down and I was really really dizzy. I was shouting 'til my lung's out...waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!!!!!!! It was just a brief travel but it feels like days before I feel my feet touched the ground. I can't even stand straight 'coz my knees were shaking hard... After all the agony (char!) I've been through... I could say... I CONQUER MY FEAR!!! I did it!!!

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"I will not die an unlived life. I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire. I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible, to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise. I choose to risk my significance; to live so that which comes to me as seed goes to the next as blossom and that which comes to me as blossom, goes on as fruit."

~ Dawna MarkovaCONQUER YOUR FEAR!!! Slide for life :p

Of Being Sexy and Fashionable Despite the Size

We're social animals whether we admit it or not, especially us, women. We want to be recognized, we want to be approved by the crowd. No matter how we deny the need to be accepted by society, still we like to be "in". Only hypocrites will say "This is me, accept me for who I am."

We all like to be liked, but there are factors that makes us feel as an outcast or perhaps something that trigger our insecurities and eat out our self- confidence. I for one, will admit that I perhaps crossed that path in my life.

For sometime, I was feeling really bad about my weight. Well, I was born healthy with a huge appetite, as in a HUGE appetite. So it's not a shock that I  grew bigger and BIGGER. Some people insensitive about my feelings been calling me names that hurts. It felt horrible. I felt so insecure that I just make myself unnoticed which is an effort because how could you not noticed a big BIG girl like me :) . For once, I felt out of the crowd.

Then I just woke up one day, telling myself "I don't want these anymore. I'm gonna live." (drama mode)

At first I thought, being big gives me an excuse not to dress up. I just wear so so clothes, not minding how awful I look. But I came to realized that this should not hinder me to be fashionable and sexy despite the size.

First thing, first. "I'm BIG... So what?"- I'll wear clothes I want. I can be sexy even with the bumps.hehehe. Confidence and how you carry yourself is the key. :)

Next, Show what you've got. Highlight the highlights. - Let's just say, you've got curves (just many curves) fine, but you also have something you can bragged about. If you've got nice legs, show it. You have a cute face, then put some make-ups. Enhanced your good points and you'll see the big difference :)

Third, Enjoy and have a life. -  Well, this is the important part. Just enjoy, have fun. Being big is not an excuse to slouch. You could engaged into sports and any active lifestyle. Just enjoy and have fun. :))

when i'm alone

When I’m alone I always think of the good ‘ol times...
Times when things weren’t that complicated
When we can just be with each other and be happy
Without thinking what others might say...

When I am alone, I always think ‘bout you and me
All the laughters we shared when we’re talking
The times when you were always just a phonecall away
Times when you’re always there at my side...

When I am alone, I still hear your voice...your whisper...
I still hear the songs you used to sing...
The tenderness in your eyes still fresh in my mind...
Simple caress that makes my heart go gaga...

When I’m alone, I could admit to myself
How much you mean to me...
How huge the part of me that you left dying...
How deep the wound you left open...

You will never know all of these...
Because you were not around to see me going through these things...
Because you never looked back when you left...
Because during those times I’m alone...
It’s the only time I have the courage...
To admit how deep I’m into you...